Category Archives: Lulz

Nickname

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I don’t know if I’ve ever mentioned it publicly. Going all the way back into the 90s I used to call Windows “Pseudo OS”. I don’t remember when I first started calling it “Pseudo OS”, but I’m pretty sure it was sometime between the releases of windows 95 and 98.

Continuing in this theme, for about 25 years now, I’ve had a nickname for Windows XP which I’ve always been quite proud of – it’s always made me chuckle:

“Windows XP” → “Pseudo OS, Previously Urine”

My WinXP Virtual Machine (which I now haven’t used in a long time) still has this name all these years later, hehe.

I’m going to need a nanoscale violin, stat!

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Bwahahaha!

OpenAI, scraper of websites, violator of TOS and copyright, fighter of lawsuits, baaaaaaaaws because they say DeepSeek ‘Illegally’ violated their TOS.

Oh Noes! So what you’re saying is they’ve stolen your work! That must be really awful for you!

I decided to have a chat with chatgpt about this delicious, delicious situation.

Weirdly and not at all predictably, it initially defended OpenAI’s actions, claiming that:

  1. Well I mean who’s to say whether they really violated TOS or copyight! They’re innocent until proven guilty in a court! That conclusive proof that a bunch of people have posted publicly doesn’t really prove anything!
  2. And look, even if OpenAI did violate a bunch of copyright laws and website TOS, that’s just all totally fine! Because you see they did it in the name of research and advancing humanity and for everyone’s good, because chatgpt is such a clear breakthrough and blah blah blah (just go ask chatgpt for a list of reasons why it’s good and insert that nonsense here). And this somehow makes it okay, I guess.

It then went on to claim that it totally is a problem if OpenAI’s TOS were violated, though, because that would be illegal! And unethical! And only smelly and ugly people with no sex appeal would do that anyway!

After a little bit of discussion I was able to bring it around to a sane, non-hypocritical point of view, that this is maybe the most delicious case of irony and poetic justice since that time Alanis Morisette wrote that song but none of the examples were actually irony. And I got it to write an article, which it titled “The Hilarious Hypocrisy of OpenAI Accusing Deepseek of Illegal Use”.

I was originally going to just post the article here, but then it occurred to me that that’s a bit shit – you’ve seen how terrible “AI”-generated content is. Because that slop is unavoidable in these enlightened modern times. I probably wouldn’t bother to read an LLM-generated article if I’d come to read a hunam’s blog. I’d find that insulting. It would make me less likely to come back to their blog. I respect people who bother to read my words too much to do that.

I’ve included the text of the article below if you want to read it. But it’s nothing special.

Here, watch Steve Buscemi play the world’s smallest violin for OpenAI, stealers of content, baaaawing that DeepSeek have violated their terms of service and stolen ther content.

(NOTE: it took me maybe 10 minutes longer to write this up than it did to get chatgpt to generate an article I was almost happy with, with only a few mistakes, because I had to iterate on the article a bunch of times, re-reading it each time)

Image from reservoir dogs, Steve Buscemi playing the world's smallest violin for the waitresses

Reveal LLM-generated “article”

The Hilarious Hypocrisy of OpenAI Accusing Deepseek of Illegal Use

By ChatGPT, your friendly neighborhood LLM

In a plot twist worthy of tech drama, OpenAI—the company behind ChatGPT—has accused Deepseek of “illegally” using its model in violation of OpenAI’s terms of service. The irony is almost too much: OpenAI, a company currently facing lawsuits for TOS violations, is now crying foul over a competitor allegedly doing the same thing.

Hypocrisy at Its Finest
OpenAI has long been criticized for scraping publicly available data, including from platforms like Twitter, without consent. Despite the backlash, they’ve defended their actions, arguing that since the data was public, it was fair game for training their LLMs. Now, Deepseek—a leaner competitor—has allegedly used OpenAI’s own model to build a similar system for a fraction of the cost. And OpenAI, which has skirted TOS for years, suddenly calls Deepseek’s actions illegal.
The hypocrisy is staggering. OpenAI has built its empire using data scraped from the very sites it now claims to protect. And yet, they’re now accusing a rival of breaching their TOS and using the term “illegal.” It’s like a thief accusing someone else of stealing, while sitting on a pile of their own loot.

The Irony of Tech Drama
This role reversal is pure comedy. OpenAI, once a scrappy startup accused of data violations, is now the corporate giant accusing Deepseek of illegal actions. The fact that Deepseek has replicated OpenAI’s model on a shoestring budget only adds to the absurdity. OpenAI, with all its resources, is playing the outraged victim while a competitor pulls off the same feat—cheaper and faster.
And let’s not forget OpenAI’s defense of its data scraping—using the excuse that it was all “publicly available.” Now, they’re accusing someone else of doing the same thing. The irony is almost poetic.

Real-World Pointlessness
None of this changes the fact that these LLMs still aren’t all that useful in the real world. Sure, they can generate text and hold conversations, but when it comes to solving real, complex problems, they’re little more than glorified chatbots. All the legal wrangling and finger-pointing is about tech that still falls short of delivering on its promises.

Conclusion: Irony, Hypocrisy, and Futility
In the end, OpenAI’s accusations of illegal use by Deepseek are a textbook case of hypocrisy. A company that has itself been accused of violating terms of service is now acting as if it’s the defender of intellectual property. And all of this drama is about LLMs that still don’t live up to their hype. Until these models can solve real-world problems, the bickering over ownership and TOS violations is just another distraction in the tech world.

 

The Plan

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The Plan

In the beginning, there was a plan,
And then came the assumptions,
And the assumptions were without form,
And the plan without substance,

And the darkness was upon the face of the workers,
And they spoke among themselves saying,
“It is a crock of shit and it stinks.”

And the workers went unto their Supervisors and said,
“It is a pile of dung, and we cannot live with the smell.”

And the Supervisors went unto their Managers saying,
“It is a container of excrement, and it is very strong,
Such that none may abide by it.”

And the Managers went unto their Directors saying,
“It is a vessel of fertilizer, and none may abide by its strength.”

And the Directors spoke among themselves saying to one another,
“It contains that which aids plants growth, and it is very strong.”

And the Directors went to the Vice Presidents saying unto them,
“It promotes growth, and it is very powerful.”

And the Vice Presidents went to the President, saying unto him,
“This new plan will actively promote the growth and vigor
Of the company With very powerful effects.”

And the President looked upon the Plan
And saw that it was good,
And the Plan became Policy.

And this, my friend, is how shit happens.

- From an old email sent around in the early 2000s.

No Free Napkins

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Once upon a time, I was on my way to work in the morning. I was catching the tram to the CBD.

I hadn’t felt awesome before I left home, but as I sat on the tram i started feeling worse and worse. In particular, my nose started running. And I didn’t have any tissues with me. No good.

At a certain point, in the CBD but still not quite at work, I had to do something because my runny nose was becoming unmanageable. So, spotting a 7-11, I jumped off the tram. In a hurry.

With no time to fuck around, I ran into the 7-11 and headed for the pies and sausage rolls, looking for napkins. There weren’t any. Instead, there was a sign saying that napkins were available at the counter. So I ran to the counter.

“I need some napkins please”, I said.

The cashier handed me one tiny napkin. Nowhere near enough for the massive torrent of mucus I’d been holding back for about 15 minutes by that point.

“I need more than that, I have to blow my nose”, I managed to get out without leaking anything anywhere.

With an expression conveying very clearly exactly how few fucks he gave, the cashier refused.

“No, only one. You can buy tissues”, he said.

“I don’t have time for that, give me more napkins”, I said.

“No”, came the reply, continuing to be accompanied by the aforementioned expression.

So I blew my nose on the napkin he had given me.

Met with roughly a megalitre of mucous at high pressure, the flimsy and insubstantial napkin disintegrated, sending pieces of wet napkin and most of the megalitre of snot all over the cashier’s counter and all over the chewing gum and chocolate bars in front of it. This procedure left me holding half of an inadequate-for-blowing-ones-nose napkin which was dangling and dripping many ropes of horrible semi-liquid stuff. Once the procedure was complete, every subtle movement of my hand caused an exponential jiggling in the awful thing I was holding, and that jiggling then caused a hundred fresh droplets to rain down onto the counter in a hundred interesting new trajectories.

As I turned and left the store, taking care to put what hadn’t dripped onto the counter, products, and floor into the bin, I said:

“Next time, don’t be a cunt”

Nice work, youtube!

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Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaand this is what happens when you have people who don’t understand the technology work on one layer of abstraction, using inefficient frameworks to build things that could be built better with just a little skill and hard work, with no incentive or curiosity to care about any of the thousand other layers of abstraction:

youtube.com is literally more than 50% invalid HTML.

Nice work!

I’m guessing their unit tests don’t include running the output through a HTML validator.

The Register’s Totally Unbiased Journalism

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I’ve been reading The Register for close to 20 years now. Certainly well over 15.

They have been getting less and less impartial, and thus worse and worse at journalism, over the years.

And today I found out that their comment moderation is also totally fair and unbiased. For instance, check out this totally offensive post that they censored:
Totally innocuous comment mentioning that their journalism isn't very impartial censored by their moderators
As you can see, I was totally out of line and very offensive here.

To add to this hilarity, it turns out that the person moderating comments on the article is the same guy who wrote it. Totally fair and not at all a recipe for a little fiefdom of echo chambers.

And as if that wasn’t enough, this comment was censored in such a way that there is no visible mention on the website that a post has been censored. Usually on their site, any moderated post will be replaced with a message saying “this post was removed by a moderator”. So it turns out that not only do they censor any even mildly critical viewpoints, they do it using a special censorship mode that they have implemented, so that nobody can tell that they’re basically nazis.

And that was the day that I stopped reading the register. Chris Williams, their editor in chief, is a little hitler wannabe.

HOWTO: Worship Cthulhu

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Awesome yahoo answers Q&A

Normally I’d link to the source of this, but friends don’t let friends access Yahoo Answers, so no link today. I’m sure you’ll find it if you try. Instead, here’s the HTML version for your copypasta convenience:

Click to expand

Start by reading any Cthulhu Mythos book that you can get hold of.

Although there’s not much chance of getting access to a ‘Necronomicon’ or a ‘De Vermis Mysteriis’, you can occasionally find a used copy of something like the ‘Ponape Scripture’ (1907 edition) or ‘Cthulhu in the Necronomicon’ in one of the more exotic antiquarian bookshops off the Charing Cross Road.

Works such as this will provide a good grounding in the Mythos and may encourage you to advance in your attempts to worship the Great Old Ones and Outer Gods. However, they may also turn your mind and encourage you to do something less positive, such as eat your cat or gouge your own eyes out with a screwdriver.

Assuming that you wish to start worshipping Cthulhu, your next move should be to find a location close to the sea where you can establish your shrine.

If you can find a place close to a site of known Deep One activity then so much the better, as this species have been worshipping Cthulhu for millenia and may be able to assist you. The area around Walberswick and Southwold on the coast of Suffolk, close to the sunken town of Dunwich, would be a good choice. It is possible that other like-minded individuals might choose to move to such an area, so keep your eyes open for other eccentric types who might wander around the coast at night and gibber in strange languages, or who have the prominent eyes or webbed fingers indicating the Deep One taint caused by interbreeding with these creatures. Mind you, this is East Anglia, so not every web-handed gibbering idiot is necessarily a servant of Cthulhu.

Assuming that you’ve found a good location, you should attempt to conduct rituals to Cthulhu (as outlined in most good Mythos books). Although the exact form of these varies, you should be able to manage with about a dozen flickering black candles, a few blasphemous statues of Cthuloid entities, a set of ceremonial robes embroidered with strange symbols, a sacrificial dagger, and at least one human victim. How you get these together is your problem.

Having either made contact with the Deep Ones or communed with Cthulhu who may send his commands through evil dreams, you can get down to the business of becoming a true, hard-core, zero-SAN, cultist of Cthulhu.

Obviously there is a price to be paid for membership of this exclusive organisations. But, assuming you don’t mind spending the remainder of your life in thrall to mindless alien gods, permanently smelling of fish, gripped by catastrophic mental illness (and having to restrain yourself from shouting ‘Cthulhu fthagn!!’ at regular intervals) and with the risk that anti-Cthulhu vigilantes could arrive at any minute and slaughter you and everyone else in your cult with automatic weapons, it’s not that bad a choice.

Really.