I just realised that it’s a public holiday over there today. And I thought to myself about how we would have spent the day together*, and I was starting to think of something poetic and nice, like “Today you would have woken up in my arms”.

But pretty quickly I realised that saying something like that would be dishonest, wouldn’t it?

A more accurate way of putting it might be something along the lines of:

“Today you might have woken up in my arms. But there’s also statistically a ~20-30% chance that I would have woken up to you screaming abuse at me yet again, maybe calling me a faggot again, or perhaps ranting yet again about how you ‘fucking hate indians’ because ‘they’re all so racist’, or maybe you’d fall back on the the good old classic ‘I wish I had died’ rhetoric, where you say to my face that you’d rather to be dead than in a relationship with me”.

So, yeah. When I thought about the actual reality of the situation, that took all the romanticism and rose-tint off of things in a big hurry.

I guess every cloud something something silver lining.

* If you hadn’t chosen to ruin everything, that is.