In this latest entry in my series of helpful ‘how to’ articles, I’ll be teaching you how to power on your computer.

If you have a PC, follow these steps:
1. Ensure that the machine is plugged in
2. Ensure that the rear power switch is in the ‘on’ position
3. Press the ‘Power’ button on the front of the device.

If you have a mac, these are the steps you’ll need to follow:
1. Ensure that the machine is plugged in
2. Examine the machine, noting that there’s no power switch anywhere to be seen.
3. Unplug all cables from the machine
4. Pick up the machine and examine it from every angle, looking for the power switch. You’ll note that it’s in a location which is completely nonfunctional and unintuitive. But at least it doesn’t interfere with the nice brushed metal finish.
5. grab a permanent marker and put a mark on the front of the machine (preferably on the lovely brushed metal) where the power switch is, so that it’s possible to turn it on again without repeating this entire process.
6. Put machine back on desk
7. Plug all cables back in
8. Reach around and behind the monitor, through all the cables you just plugged in, and press the power switch
9. Kill yourself.